Cliché…a thorn in my side... topic on my mind for some time now…
A little more than a year ago, after reading the first two chapters of Why Men Marry Bitches, by Sherry Argov, I understood the premise better than I ever had before but I still didn’t believe it. Now that I’m in the stage of my life where I’m ready to find a REAL relationship…playing games doesn’t seem to have a place in the process of searching for Real Love. But wait a minute, this notion is somewhat supported in the work of John Gray (a man—the very source of a woman’s confusion) in his popular book, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus in chapter 6, “Men Are Like Rubber Bands”. Gray suggests men need their space and if a woman is appropriately patient and understanding, he’ll come springing back “like a rubber band”.
Neither author’s explanation made sense to me, but until now, I didn't know how to explain the alternative. After discussing this topic with a dear friend, I think we have discovered a possible alternative…
As with all things, there IS an element of truth in the concept of “playing hard to get”. What is the deeper truth behind this statement? Maybe when people say “play hard to get” they are truly touching on one of the following major ideas:
- Don’t compromise yourself in an attempt to please someone else.
- Don't allow yourself to be taken for granted or taken advantage of.
- Pace yourself. If you take your time to get to know someone, you don’t need to “play hard to get”.
The final consideration is that we all have “intimacy bubbles” and as we get to know someone else, those bubbles touch and merge. Related to the previous point 3, if we are moving at a manageable pace, this process can feel more comfortable. If we move too quickly, the impact will burst our bubbles.
There is much more to say about intimacy but I will save that for another post. So in conclusion, when you hear someone say, “You should ‘play hard to get,’” ask yourself:
- Am I being true to myself or am I compromising myself?
- Am I being taken for granted or taken advantage of?
- Are things moving too quickly?
Possibly the answers to these questions will get you farther in your search for true love than playing games of cat and mouse.